Friday, August 26, 2011

Gender Imagery and the Bar Scene

Hello Readers,

Yes, I did something out of character the past couple weeks and that was to go to the bar a few times during my vacation. A friend of mine and I joked about writing a paper about the bar scene and discussing relationship building and people's interactions in the bar. He suggested it as a way for me to earn money from the federal government and drink at the same time. However, as our time in the bar progressed we both thought about the bar scene a little more seriously and watched interactions. So to my friend, here is a thought process to start an idea for a paper and I hope to have more discussions about it soon.

To start, the main thesis for this paper is: the bar scene is a place of searching. However, the gender constructions promoted at the bar hinder people's searches for love and fulfillment. This thesis will emphasize an experiential and existential approach to prove these conclusions. My effort for this paper will be a mostly existential look as I am approaching this from a direction of philosophy and ethics associated with particular philosophies. The sociological data will have to wait until we can actually conduct a study, which is hard considering the inebriated condition most people find themselves at at the bar. Recognizing this lack, I hope to present an existential view utilizing my own experience and perceptions upon observation at the bar.

We need to understand the two objects of my thesis before continuing. First, gender constructions: these are ideas about the relationship and roles between male and female in response to phenomena (e.g. a certain environment that encourages x behavior.) Gender constructions can also be identified in close connection with social pressure as they often go hand-in-hand. Gender constructions also tend to favor one particular gender over the other dependent upon the leadership and subtle social cues. Second, searching: searching is usually utilized as a religious term emphasizing people's search for God in an existential sense. The term has a similar usage here but instead of emphasizing on God exclusively, searching refers to an existential search for something greater than oneself, particularly in seeking relationship with others. Different bar scenes will seek different kinds of relationships (namely hetero v. homosexual) but the search in going to a bar revolves around relationship to others.

Now that these two concepts are clear we need to build a gender construction of a bar. For purposes of this essay I'm going to stick to a heterosexual bar as that is where my experience has led me, but I would reckon to guess there might be some constants at homosexual bars. And yes, bars do get rumored as places for hetero and homosexual involvement so there is a socialized segregation enforced by mores, though there are no explicit rules in place. Gender construction can be seen in three main areas in an existential search. A) The dancing between "ritual" participants at the bar. (The word ritual is utilized on purpose here as there are particular patterns which are consistent, and certain dances and types of dancing associated with different songs as well based on social mores, again nothing real explicit besides stares from other participants.) B) The concept of the alpha-male and its promotion at the bar based on two factors: drinking and picking up women. C) The model of female favored at the bar, one who is loose and will draw herself to the alpha male. This model emphasizes women who drink heavily to compete and engage the alpha-male. While there are exceptions to every rule, these general tendencies rule the bar scene.

Gender construction is seen in dancing as most dancing emphasizes grinding and physical closeness to the other person. One positive of this dancing is that touch is never at a lack. Also, some physical proximity is necessary as the loud noises of the bar scene necessitate close quarters to hear the other person. So the touch can help communication as well as being its own form of communication. However, this type of dancing tends to endanger women as men tend to be quicker to get a physical release from physical contact and tend to be more willing to have this close contact with more than one woman in the same night. While alcohol helps lead to these decisions, part of the issue also stems from the image of the male portrayed by the bar scene.

The alpha-male is one who leads, is strong, can drink a lot, and gets all the women, or the hottest one, whichever is preferred by himself or the group. This image of male is promoted by alcohol commercials in mainstream media, as well as a social more of the bar scene. One particular example is observing a couple who was dancing and a guy comes and pushes the couple closer together. While this gesture might not seem significant it does show how difference is awkward for some. However, we can joke that people like the pusher just want to see more "cheap floozy sex" on the dance floor. Jokes among guys about who got the woman or is x going home with y woman also emphasize the prevalence of the alpha-male mentality at the bar scene.

The alpha-male is also favored in the bar scene in seeing the drinking contests that go on between men. At one table a party bought over a dozen beers for two guys to drink as fast as possible. Chants like "chug, chug" emphasize and build the image of strength, alcohol tolerance, etc. The amount of alcohol consumed is also matched by a desire to dance. And while dancing and touch can be good, excessive amounts of alcohol consumption can lead to an abuse of persons which is not ethical, especially considering the deeper existential search for relationship sought after in a bar scene.

Women that go to a bar scene implicitly understand this model of the male promoted at the bar, if not explicitly. The hard part in writing this paper is that the female seems passive in creating the bar scene, merely as a response to the male. I do not want to oversimplify and say that is the case. However, there is a reciprocal response between drunk women wanting alpha-male men and alpha-male men wanting easy women to build ego, hubris, etc. It all boils down to people's choices, and the influence of alcohol and pheromones in interaction with the other. The image of the female preferred at the bar scene is one which complements the alpha male: women willing to grant sexual favor to men, women who want to participate in drinking with men, and women who make themselves up to be attractive to a male. While some would say this is beneficial for equality, these actions only appear equal in deed but not in process and final result. Yes, a woman can drink with a man, a woman can grant lots of sexual favor to different men and this is not a problem in the bar scene in deed. However, with more of this favor/dancing, etc, this equality turns into an expectation needed for social standing at the bar. Popular women that many guys want to dance with wear lots of make-up, dress with as little clothing as possible, and are relatively skinny and have larger chests and butts, accentuated by their choice of clothing.

In a normal societal model promoting the alpha-male (promoted in both a religious and secular sense) this bar scene just accentuates that model. It favors the aggressive, leader male and males who prefer to care and be gentle are pushed out or coerced to try to be more aggressive and more like everyone else. This societal model also favors women who are submissively sexual, made to look like a model (very skinny, moderate to tall (so like 5'6"-5'9" just to take a guess, bigger breasts and bigger butt), and women who are sort of strong. Woman are called to equality, sort of. There are a lot of sort of's because while we've progressed in allowing women to work with males, made sexual discrimination policies to protect women (mostly), and given women the same rights as men, there are a lot of social norms that keep women subliminally if not actually degraded in comparison to men. So the bar accentuates these gender differences and draws them out with more physicality, so the bar is a good place to examine as it gives a vibrant image to examine gender imagery and differences.

These images affect people's existential search for relationship when at the bar. The biggest consequence is that the individual gets quickly lost or not privileged in an encounter. The encounters tend to follow an unwritten code of norms trying to promote individuality. First encounters have to be smooth, magical, and provide some sort of physical sensation that is pleasureable to both parties. Second, encounters after an initial meeting in a bar have a three-day rule where you don't contact the other person so as not to appear needy or dependent on the other person in a co-dependent way. (This holds true for encounters outside of bars as well.)

Part of the existential search is wanting to have people with whom you share fuzzy warm memories. Fuzzy warm memories make the existential toils of life easier to engage when they come. In this sense, a bar is a great place to release from life. Though too much drowning one's trouble in alcohol, dancing, and a night out can lead to addictive tendencies and a poor ability to cope, some ease is good for those who get stressed or need some help loosening up in meeting people. So the bar codes help build this pleasureable experience. However, part of the greater goal of going to a bar, finding relationship, has to engage the reality that life is difficult at times, and that life isn't always warm and fuzzy as much as we'd like it to be. The bar by itself cannot provide an atmosphere to teach this part of relationship. As mentioned above, conversation is hard in a bar because of the amount of noise at the bar. Also, conversation is difficult because it has to be relatively low-key in order to deal with the disconnectedness of a conversation in the midst of dancing, interaction, music, noise, order for drinks and various other distractions at a bar. In effect, this eliminates the individual part of the existential search and all which is left is desire, the desire for relationship exists, even as the individual part of searching is annhilated because of the social mores of relationship and the bar (which as shown above are deeply connected.) This desire then becomes manifest in a deeply physical way as that is an instinctual way of relating to others. This instinct is very good and needs to be fostered; however, this needs to respect individuals, their differences, and different needs for touch and affection in particular. Individuality is important to perserve as we are individuals with different needs and sublimating those needs will only harm ourselves and those with whom we relate in the future. Not all people fit the alpha-male or the sexually submissive female type of persona. In fact, alcohol contributes to more people fitting to these stereotypes in a particular time and place, even if their personality outside that setting does not match these personas.

Also, in thinking about different personas, we need to think briefly about how interaction occurs. For some people the three-day rule is a test of will, to be sure that I don't need the other person. However, if the self is an interactive entity that relates to objects, people, and God, then others' input necessarily affects our selves positively and negatively. Also, it means that we inherently need others in order to build our own worldview, because we need interaction. If another person contributes positively to loving God and neighbor (or loving neighbor for those who don't believe in God), then why shouldn't we want to be loving, merciful, and willing to encounter the other? The three-day rule seems to hinder this ability to encounter the other. While it's an attempt to prevent a perceived danger, it ignores our existential experience as persons who interact and need reception from others. It's a question to leave open in thinking about societal interaction. (Note: The same thing happens even in a religious sense as well, particularly in those who try to not overvalue any person by placing all value on God. The fear of dependency is placed upon others not taking the place of God. It seeks to prevent idolatry, but this argument ends up being moot as it turns idolatrous very quickly, because it favors a passive role for people in God's life, which comes with certain images and problems but that's another paper and story entirely.)

However, as I've said, there are exceptions to every rule. There are people who are dragged to bars by their friends either because of a perceived need to experience this type of social interaction or to be a designated driver for others. There are people who also don't follow these rules at the bar. There are those who protect others from stalkers, care for those who are drunk and try to protect them from being taken advantage of, and those who don't proscribe to the social norms for dancing and interaction. These exceptions fit certain personalities and are needed to help teach other ways of relating and love of other. These people can also help us find what we are looking for. The individuality helps us dispel of gender models and seek connection with others for being others who can challenge and love us despite our differences.

That is how I enjoyed my night at the bar, is finding one woman who actually didn't proscribe to these models of gender and could engage me in dance and conversation. In the midst of seeing all these potential issues around me I found someone different. Light in the midst of darkness, while I don't like this line for the Gnostic interpretation this could give, it's appropriate for my own state of my mind as I think back on my experience in what I saw in writing this paper. It was originally my friends' decision to go to the bar and I was like ehhh :(, but I was blessed to find the exception to the rule, and have interesting material to think about and dissect as we observed others and talked. Also, I hope this piece is a conversation starter, to engage our own experiences at the bar and socially, and start to talk about them to think about what we really experience and do as we are social with others. In conversation, we can find the means to love God and neighbor, even when having fun, by perserving others' dignity and opening ourselves to the other.

Peace,
Aristocrates